While riding bikes with a friend, the author was stunned to hear her casually announce her pregnancy, a revelation that resonated like a personal shockwave. As one of the few friends without children, this news brought an overwhelming sense of loss as she faced the reality that yet another friend had chosen the path of parenthood, a decision that had recently become common among her social circle.

In her 40s, the author reflects on how many couples who once expressed disinterest in having children have reversed their positions. Although she has adapted her relationships with friends who became parents, the friendships with those who also chose to remain childless felt especially precious. The moment strained her emotional defenses, pushing feelings of isolation to the forefront, yet she quickly masked her internal struggle with a celebratory smile for her friend.

Years prior, while in a doctor’s office for surgery related to endometriosis, the author faced a transformative moment when asked about removing her fallopian tubes. Although she was sure she did not want children, she experienced a temporary hesitation at the thought of permanently severing the option. Following a discussion with her husband, she ultimately made the decision to proceed with the surgery.

The author recalls a poignant memory from her early 30s, filled with a sense of loneliness as she attempted to connect with friends for a summer backpacking trip; most were now busy with family commitments. The realization that she was increasingly distanced from those deep communal ties created an acute sense of loss, as she realized even her attempts to connect were often neglected despite her efforts to be present during life milestones.

There are thriving communities built among parents that cultivate a variety of social gatherings, leaving those without children feeling marginalized from the social fabric. As someone who values relationships and community deeply, the author grapples with the loneliness that can arise from being outside these social circles, wanting to remain close to parents while feeling the gap of shared experiences widen.

While acknowledging her own feelings of isolation, the author is also aware that many others face different challenges. Friends with special-needs children or who are single and childless experience exclusion in their own ways, multiplying the layers of loneliness that can come with various life choices.

In the winter, while preparing for a ski trip with a friend who had also become a parent, the author recognized the intrinsic value of maintaining these friendships despite the changing dynamics. By continuing to reach out and inviting friends to join in her adventures, she fosters connections that remind everyone involved of the importance of community, regardless of individual life paths. These exchanges underscore the unified desire for connection that exists, highlighting that everyone, in their own way, seeks belonging.